Good morning everyone. I am glad to be here to share with you how I become determined to follow Jesus.
Before I know God, I build my value mostly on my study, on relationship and friendship as well as attention and complements from others. But things went wrong one after another. I feel frustrated and start to doubt myself. I start to live in anxiety and worries. I forgot what is happy and how to be happy. What is worse is that I feel hard to love others in that situation. I blame myself for being a person that I don’t like. At that time, I got the chance to know God and gospel. I really want to accept him because this looks like the life I want to live and kind person I want to be. So I went to alpha course and also Andreas course. However, on the other hand, my pride kept telling me that I should live on my own and accepting god is something that weak people do. I also try to understand the god with my rationality. I want to prove that he does exist.
Thanks god that he does show me some miracles after my pray. However I still doubt. At the same time, my condition got worse. My thesis did not go well. I feel friends and parents cannot understand or comfort me anymore. My loved one left me. At that point, I become totally empty. I live in desperation for a few weeks which I will never forgot. At some moment, a voice from the bottom of my heart that life without God is meaningless. Therefore, I put my pride down and finally accept god.
After that, just as what’ s written in the song, I feel that my chains are gone. Gradually, I get to understand that god is something beyond our rationality. That is the spirit. Thanks god, it is because I experienced the time when all the things I valued became unreliable that makes me trust so much that my value lies in god’s love. Whenever I got stressed and I feel sad, I always remind myself that god loves me and that’s all I need to feel joy and peace.
Yuan Li (June ’14)